40 Year Old White Guy On Facebook Wants Everyone To Know That He “Misses Real Hip-Hop”
Thursday morning, local 40 year old white guy Melvin Jones went on yet another facebook rant about the state of modern rap. He said that “everything on the radio is trash” and angrily proclaimed “I miss REAL hip-hop!”
“These rappers nowadays are so soft. They wear tight jeans and they act like pussies, I miss when rappers were REAL GANGSTERS” said Melvin, who grew up in the upper-class suburbs and attended private schools when he was younger.
In addition to bashing trap music, calling Kanye “a clown” and saying “Drake is too sensitive”, Melvin also criticized Eminem’s new music. “Eminem is 40. A 40 year old white guy has no place in rap” he said, somehow not realizing the irony of what he was saying.
Growing increasingly irrelevant and staring down his own mortality, Melvin feels old and he makes himself feel better by posting things like “If 2pac was still alive, Lil Wayne would be working at McDonalds right now.” A joke that he insists he came up with even though we all know he stole it from a meme in 2010.
Melvin ranted “I’m tired of Lil Uzi whatever and all these shitty mumble rappers. I miss REAL RAPPERS like Biggie Smalls.” When asked if he knows any Biggie songs other than Juicy and Big Poppa, Melvin quickly changed the subject.
Melvin posted a link to a recent Young Thug song and said “This isn’t MY hip-hop!” No one had the heart to tell him that he’s an old white guy and that hip-hop never was “his” to begin with.
“I only listen to real hip-hop. Real lyrics, real flow, real messages. 2pac will always be the king” he concluded, praying that no one asks him to name a specific 2pac song.