BREAKING NEWS: Bombshell Report Reveals That Stacy’s Mom Was Only a 6

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In an investigative report from Ronan Farrow published in the New York Times that has gained global attention, it’s been discovered that Stacy’s mom was far from ugly, but she definitely didn’t “have it goin’ on.”

Through an 18 month investigation that involved unsealing secret documents and interviews with hundreds of witnesses, Farrow and his team of reporters have published their conclusion that “while I wouldn’t call Stacy’s mom unattractive by any means, she’s also not anything to write home about. She’s a 6 at best, maybe a 6.5 if she played video games or knew more about Weezer.”

Members of Fountains Of Wayne have released a joint statement claiming “our song Stacy’s Mom was just supposed to be fun and playful, beauty is subjective and frankly this investigation was mean spirited and grossly misogynistic. On top of that, the hottest New York Times editor I’ve ever seen was a 5 at best.”

This revelation has sent shockwaves through our international geopolitical landscape. Former president Barack Obama addressed the scandal through a statement on Twitter:

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While photo’s of Stacy’s mom remain classified, Stacy herself gave a press conference this morning, saying “just leave my family the fuck alone already.”

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