Drake is undoubtedly the hugest artist of our generation. It’s 2020, if you don’t like Drake you need to grow the fuck up.
When Drake’s Canadian ass first jogged into the global limelight he was known for his vulnerability, but throughout the years his music got cockier. I decided to break out my calculator and do the math to measure this emotional trajectory.
Here are all the Drake albums, ranked from cockiest to saddest.
I know you’re thinking “Drew, why are you including More Life, Dark Lane Demo Tapes and If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late as albums even though they’re technically considered mixtapes?” Because fuck you, that’s why.
9. If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late
This is by far Drake’s most aggressive and intensely braggadocios album. The lyrics for “Energy” gave frat bro’s a record-breaking amount of douchey quotes to put under their gym selfies.
COCKIEST TRACK: “Energy”
SADDEST TRACK: “You & The 6"
8. Dark Lane Demo Tapes
On this tape Drake is so cocky that he made a song that tried (and failed) to create a new dance called “The Toosie Slide.” Drake is so tough and brooding that he’s wearing a ski-mask on the cover, looking like a burglar. What’s he about to steal? Your heart (:
COCKIEST TRACK: “D4L”
SADDEST TRACK: “Time Flies”
THE TRACK WHERE HE TRIED AND FAILED TO INVENT A NEW DANCE CALLED THE “TOOSIE SLIDE”: “Toosie Slide”
7. Nothing Was The Same
Phenomenal album. Fun fact: the song “Hold On, We’re Going Home” is named after what I said to my brother 30 minutes into seeing Suicide Squad.
COCKIEST TRACK: “All Me”
SADDEST TRACK: “From Time”
6. More Life
You may remember this mixtape as when Drake was accused of stealing XXXTentacion’s flow on “KMT” or when he started rapping in a Jamacian accent for no reason and wondered if we’d notice (we DID.) It has cocky moments, like when he brags about all his haters on “Fake Love.” But it also has sad moments, like when he cries about all his haters on “Fake Love.”
COCKIEST TRACK: “Fake Love”
SADDEST TRACK: ..”Fake Love”
The most important thing about this album is that Drake dug up Michael Jackson’s grave and magically resurrected him to sing the hook on “Don’t Matter To Me” and then killed him again. But anyways, this alb- I.. I forgot where I was going with this.
COCKIEST TRACK: “Survival”
SADDEST TRACK: “Finesse”
THE TRACK WHERE HE RESURRECTED MICHAEL JACKSON TO SING THE HOOK, AND FOR SOME REASON WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT: “Don’t Matter To Me (feat. Michael Jackson)”
4. So Far Gone
This legendary mixtape was Drake’s grand introduction to the world. I once sang “Best I Ever Had” at a karaoke bar and got arrested, it’s a felony to sing that song in public if you’re a 5’6” white guy without written permission from a senator.
COCKIEST TRACK: “Congratulations”
SADDEST TRACK: “Sooner Than Later”
3. Thank Me Later
Maybe he’s so sad because it’s been 10 years since this album and we still haven’t thanked him.
COCKIEST TRACK: “Over”
SADDEST TRACK: “The Resistance”
Views is Drake at his most vulnerable. I’ve been blasting this album non-stop all week trying to determine what the saddest song is. I’m quaranting at my girlfriend’s studio apartment and she said if she hears “Hotline Bling” one more time she’s going to kill both of us.
COCKIEST TRACK: “Pop Style”
SADDEST TRACK: “Redemption”
1. Take Care
BOOM! Here it is. This is BY far Drake’s saddest album. It has “Marvin’s Room” for fucks sake. Every dude in a relatioship should keep a copy of Take Care on the wall in a glass case with a hammer, with a label that says “IN CASE OF BREAK-UP: BREAK OPEN THE GLASS.” Take Care is Drake at his most Drake-ish with all his signature Drake-isms.
COCKIEST TRACK: “HYFR”
SADDEST TRACK: “Marvin’s Room”