Ranking The Pixar Movies (Based On How Your Relationship With Your Father Was When You Saw Them)
Pixar is an American institution. A cornerstone of cinematic excellence. Think about the endless childhood memories Pixar has given us.
But which Pixar film is the best? Which is the worst? Will we ever see dad again? Does he even think about us anymore?
Here is the definitive ranking of the Pixar films. Based on how your relationship with your father was when you first saw them.
1. Toy Story
A timeless classic! Things were great with dad when we saw it. Him and mom were very happy together.
2. A Bugs Life
This film is super underrated and it still holds up! Dad was still around and he came to most of our soccer games.
3. Toy Story 2
A wonderful sequell! In hindsight, I guess mom and dad were slowly starting to grow apart around then, but we were far too young to notice.
4. Monsters Inc
This movie is TOO perfect. With an adult mind, it’s clear that this is when dad became sexually frustrated, and was clearly considering an extramarital affair.
5. Finding Nemo
Emotionally powerful, clever and hilarious. This movie had it all. This is when dad started hanging out with his “friend” Denise…
6. The Incredibles
One of my favorite superhero movies. Denise was just dad’s secretary, but mom clearly didn’t trust her. And rightfully so.
7. Cars
A pretty enjoyable flick. By now, mom REALLY hated dad’s “friend” Denise. And things were only gonna get worse.
8. Ratatouille
I don’t know what’s harder, remembering how to spell the name of this movie, or remembering how happy mom and dad used to be before DENISE came into the picture and selfishly tore apart our family.
9. WALL•E
This movie never gets old. Unfortunately, mom DID get old, which is why dad stopped being attracted to her and hung out with Denise.
10. Up
The first 10 minutes of this movie are so sad. The 2nd saddest 10 minutes ever, right behind the 10 minute argument mom had with dad when she caught him in bed with Denise.
11. Toy Story 3
Arguably the best threequel of all time. After we saw it, dad took us out for ice cream and told us he was gonna live with his friend Denise.
12. Cars 2
This film was admittedly pretty bad. But not nearly as bad as the bitter custody battle that ensued when mom and dad filed for divorce and we refused to live with that whore Denise.
13. Brave
We didn’t see Brave that year. Just like we didn’t see dad that year.
14. Monsters University
This movie was kind of forgettable. Speaking of forgettable, do you think dad forgot about us?
15. Inside Out
What an amazing film. It’s unbelievably clever and it mixes brilliant humor with raw, emotional power and painfully universal themes and combines them all to paint a beautiful picture with a lovely lesson. A masterpiece.
16. The Good Dinosaur
Fuck dad.
17. Finding Dory/ Cars 3/ Coco/ Incredibles 2 (TIE)
Four great films! Mom started dating this douchebag named Gregory, an orthodontist she met on Match.com. I don’t trust him.
21. Toy Story 4
Gregory is not good for mom, his emotional absence, binge drinking and cold apathy towards her psychological needs are parallel to dad’s awful treatment of her, further proving that mom is doomed to keep ending up with the same toxic men until she learns to respect herself, but she refuses to go to therapy so this will be an endless loop of broken relationships until we all die.
22. Onward
Great movie. 9/10.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Drew Landry is a comedian and writer based in Los Angeles. Check out his critically acclaimed mini stand-up special ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD.
“A life-affirming 20-odd minutes that showcases Landry’s talent as a comedian… You’d be hard-pressed not to call up your best friend as soon as the credits roll.”
